Mirrorland Prologue

Sorry that it's been awhile since we've gotten in contact, but college is hectic. Anywho, I see you've finally written a prologue, and I'm guessing its to that story you were working on from before right? If not, oh well lol.

Anyway, I read it, and it was interesting. However, I wish you could've explained a little more. Maybe gone more in depth about the mirror, or the little girl perhaps. Like, lead into her stumbling upon the mirror. It builds up more suspense than just starting out with her finding it.

Well no that you know what I thought of it as a whole, lets get to the nitty gritty stuff.

*A little girl, no older than 4 1/2, watched in awe as the giant, mahogany wood mirror in front of her glowed.

- First off, number that are two digits, especially 1-9, are written out. It's a rule you can count on because it looks more formal. Even if your adding a 1/2. Actually, if you think about it, the 1/2 isn't even needed. No one usually says they are 15 1/2 or 12 1/2, most say i'm fifteen or i'm twelve.

- Don't be cliche when it comes to describing. You could, but not overly exaggerate, the features of the mirror. Make it stand out. If it's supposed to be a portal into another realm, give it that extraordinary feel. Even saying a jewel at the top, that it seemed a little worn, or even that it at certain etchings on it. Make it unique.

* Its glass surface started rippling, and soon it was reflecting something other than the dusty attic space behind her.

- "Its glass surface started to ripple ( you could describe the ripples</i>), and soon, it was reflecting something other than the dusty attic space behind her."

* The she saw now was full of a beauty that seemed dark and mysterious. There were vast fields full of nothing but roses of all different colors, a river that glistened red and snaked through valleys filled with villages, and up in the corner sat a marvelous castle that looked as dark as the starless night sky above the landscape. The only thing in the sky was the amber colored sun.The castle glistened under the sun...

- I don't know what you were trying to say in the first sentence so you should fix that, but I'll show you how I think the these sentences should go.

What she saw next, was a mysterious land full of beauty that seemed to harbor a certain darkness. As see continued to peer through the glass, her gaze fell upon the vast fields full of roses of all colors. Then to the east, she noticed rivers, red like blood, as they slithered through the valleys that were filled with villages. Finally, beneath the amber colored moon ( if you are trying to convey a dark atmosphere which dark skies and what night, a moon would be better. It gives it that eerie feel. ), her eyes beheld a castle which was a dark as the sky that it sat under and luminous like the moon which watched over it.

You could actually go even more into depth about the landscape if you wanted. It would hurt the story.

* She was curious and brave enough to reach out and touch the wondrous image, but as she did a cold chill ran through her body, which made her scream.

- "Even though the voice startled her a bit, curiosity got the better of her. So like any other curious four year old, she reached for the wondrous image and touched the cold glass with her small, pudgy fingers. However, as soon as she touched the mirror, an eerie feeling enveloped her and she screamed in terror." ( See how describing things can add meat to your story. Adjectives go a long way when not over used.)

* The girls grandmother hastily threw an old tarp over the mirror and exited the room, the mom and her daughter following.

- The girl's grandmother hastily threw an old tarp over the mirror and left the room with the mother and daughter following close behind.

* But that was then and this is now...

- I feel this sentence doesn't work for the story, especially as the ending sentence. Because one, I'm confused, and two my question is what "is now"? It might've worked better if the prologue was from a first person point of view and the main character was giving a contrast between when she was younger and how she is now. Or, if you, as the narrator, give the contrast. But if you choose to do neither, the sentence should be taken out and replaced with something right as the ending.

Now, let me tell you what someone told me that prologues should be/do

"What your goal/story is focused on needs to be infused in the prologue, so as to best create not only the setting and history, but the tone of the entire piece. If you are going for a portrait in humanity, man overcoming, tales of survival, etc you really don't want to make a historical account be the first moments of your book. Thats like going to see an action movie and getting the first 20 minutes as a nonstop science lecture with no real action.

As I have cited to many others, try and look at this prologue to also strike a unique note in people. Have you read other books, stories, movies, games like this? Know the genre, see what has been done, then do something else. Be unique. Be striking. AND be those things on every inch of this."

The last couple sentences of the first paragraph was basically about the content in my prologue, but with the rest of the information, you should get the point of what a prologue should do.

Anyway, keep up the good work. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Big Grin)"/> If you need any help, just message me or you could look at some of my stories. It sometimes helps me and gives me ideas when I see how people start things off, write about, or how they set the mood in their stories, so it might help you. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Wink)"/>